It's a new year

"In the time we have it is surely our duty to do all the good we can to all the people we can in all the ways we can"
William Barclay

People are human beings .... none of us are perfect, but you can choose to do the right thing.

George Bailey: Just a minute - just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You're right when you say my father was no businessman. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I'll never know. But neither you nor anyone else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was - why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn't that right, Uncle Billy? He didn't save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter, and what's wrong with that? Why - here, you're all businessmen here. Doesn't it make them better citizens? Doesn't it make them better customers? You - you said - what'd you say a minute ago? They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait? Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're so old and broken down that they... Do you know how long it takes a working man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about... they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you'll ever be.

F & F = YOU GUYS ROCK!!

FANTASTIC ARTICLE AND INFORMATION~

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=11363

This articles just says by F & F staff, but it's terrific. I guess it's not Holstein, cause I'm sure he would have claimed it. Whomever, thank you!!

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What money cannot buy

.... the freedom to love and be loved ....without feeling guilt, shame or being judged by others for loving and being loved.

If you can hope this for the people you love, then you are truly loving them.

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Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period.

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"Aspire to a lower level of harm." ~Anonymous

;)

PAS conference in CA

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=10976

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PAS on your TV

I'm not a fan of Dr. Phil either. Mostly, because like lots of other bad TV, he thrives on drama (anyone's drama) and even creates it when what's real isn't sufficient to fill the time slot.

What I see here as good is that, like Dr. Phil and other bad TV/media, the type of people who watch this programming are also the type of people who commit PAS. Cause they like drama. In my opinion, PAS and drama addiction should be listed in the DSM V. I guess drama addiction is too general a term, it probably falls under Psychosis.

Because you really have to .... ".... LOVE YOUR CHILDREN MORE THAN YOU HATE YOUR EX" (quote by Bessie Hudgins of Three Sides to Every Story) It's not only the alienated parent who suffers, it's grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. who aren't allowed to be a part of this child's life. But the child suffers the most damage from this behavior and they don't even know it.

For those of you who aren't sure of this anagram, it's Parental Alienation Syndrom (PAS). It's rampant in divorces. The only kudos I'll probably ever give to Dr. Phil is that he did a show about it.

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=10821

Thanks again to Fathers & Families and author of the post, Robert Franklin, for the good info.

To see an interview click here... http://www.wics.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wics_vid_2969.shtml

It's much healthier for you and your children if you promote and encourage loving relationships.

Try it.


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Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

...

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Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.
And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.
- The Dalai Lama
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Forward Thinking and With A Conscience

Finally, a few states are actually placing actual information about how they might assist the payor. Long overdue.

https://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/parents/step1_ncp.shtml

http://www.wreg.com/news/wreg-childsupport-story,0,5877726.story

http://statejournal.com/story.cfm?func=viewstory&storyid=84275


You can't draw blood from a turnip.

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.-- Martin Luther King

From the beginning, my husband wasn't aggressive or even tactical when it came to child support issues. He has always said 'Whatever happens to her, happens to my girls.' - always wanting just the best for all of them. That's just another reason why I love him. I'm so glad that my boys have an example of strong loving parents who stick together - come what may - in their lives. We're not perfect, but we do the best we can.

Here's hoping for your family, that you keep grounded and love each other.

me

Happens all the time

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100501190045AAa0nk1

"The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know."

Harry S. Truman

"If you have to hide something,
you probably did something wrong."
that quote is by the most brilliant lady I've ever known...
.. my Mom

How to Heal Family Wounds | eHow.com

How to Heal Family Wounds eHow.com

the most profound point is - don't transfer them to your own children

Not really related, but relevant

No matter what or how difficult we believe our own problems are, there is so much to appreciate in each and every day. Please take a moment to read the story below and be thankful.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/09/27/chile.miner.butterfly/index.html?hpt=C1


<3
me

It's nice to know...

.... that there are lots of people who can think and articulate quiet nicely - the truth of what the divorce industry has done and is doing to families. It's not only men speaking out. It's real women, children, adult chidren and men. It's coming from hearts of those who have been divorced and from those that are second families, spouses and children of divorcees.

There is a nice piece written by Robert Franklin on the Fathers and Families website that you need to check out. http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=10043

The article links you back to another article by Barbara Kay http://www.nationalpost.com/opinion/columnists/Give+fathers+their+rights+back/3559651/story.html#ixzz10HhEzK7U
Particularly paragraph 6 and the last half of paragraph 9.
Good stuff. Go check it out.

From the Treasure Trove

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love. ”
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

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"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”
Dr. Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

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"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”
Epictetus (55-135)

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Where it counts :)

"The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. "
-- Lee Iacocca

So, the question is....

Best info found says that only 10 states allow by law for child support orders for adult children beyond the age of 18 (even then, they have to meet the criteria). But of the other 40 states, 11 states have laws restricting it, and 7 others are silent on the issue while the other 22 states completely forbid it.

So, the question is this....

...of the 10 states that allow it and 11 states with restrictive laws about it, do any of them also force by law any married parents to pay and support children over the age of 18...

... and the answer is..

no

none of them.

So, why then - are divorced parents required to pay?

It really isn't about the kids. It's all about the $$$$ , isn't it.

Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

But lets go one more step with it. If these young adults are being supported by a child support order, then why doesn't the CSE agencies pay this support to the child/young adult whom they are meant to support?

I'm just saying.

http://www.kidsinthemiddle.org/billofrights.htm

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness."
by Norman Cousins

Welcome Comments

In response to a couple of recent comments:

To R.: Thanks for the love and support.
Luv, from Me


To D.: Bless your heart, you've been misinformed. I'm glad to hear that you don't attempt to marginalize your child's father. Your child will benefit from it. Thank you for offering a prayer for us.
Good luck, from Me

___________________________________________________________________

.... and to anyone else who has already or is considering making a comment.....


I will point out to you that most of the information on our website and blog is directed to the divorce industry; lawmakers, states, lawyers, courts, judges. If you don't want to be discussed in this blog, don't comment. This blog was not directed at any one person, which you can tell if you've read other posts, until the "other side" decided to bring attention to themselves, comment in unpleasant ways and drag everyone in earshot into it. If that's what they do, good for them. Not surprising.

Comments that are unpleasant toward another person will not be published...

.....the only exception I've made is for a (supposed) daughter of a particular fiasco who vented (if it was even really her - I gave the benefit of the doubt) and I've tolerated it for now.

Anyone who visits any of my blogs hoping for some drama or thinking that this legal issue will play out here in blogland...

Move along little doggy.
Go get your drama fix somewhere else.

That's not how we roll.

See - it says 'By the mom' at the top of the page. And everything that I write herein is my opinion.

So, in retrospect, I called out for some truth. Mae culpa. I do hope that telling the truth doesn't offend anyone. If you have to hide something - you probably did something wrong.

To say that it's okay for anyone to steal or lie because someone else deserves to be treated that way is really inappropriate (can u believe someone actually said that ?) and I hope you don't teach that to your kids - touché - that kind of business is not a "desperate times calls for desperate measures" activity... but there are many other appropriate descriptive words for it....

When people have some respect for others and behave kindly, all kinds of disagreements can be worked out. The jist of it is - that the divorce industry doesn't benefit from you working it out and they allow and even encourage people to keep pushing each other. It keeps the industry humming. The states get funds from the federal government for the amount of money they can collect. So, the only ones held accountable for anything are the ones they target to get money from. States have budgets to meet. It has to be profitable. Greed is never satisfied.

Two Sides to Every Story

We received a comment from (supposedly) his other daughter on this blog yesterday. If it was really her, it wasn't necessarily positive but any communication is better than none - and I'm going to call it a Blessing and keep hope.

Here is the comment.... (deleted for the greater good) Instead, lets keep in mind that ..."Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much." Blaise Pascal

There are - always - two sides to every story. Which is a valid point if you've heard both sides. If you only stop to listen to one side of any situation you cannot make an informed decision for yourself.

We don't have her phone number or her address, we have asked for it but we were denied. Maybe in part because it leads to some truth that someone doesn't want to admit. Because the "other side" says she and her sister were in college and living at home from 2004 thru 2008. We already know what's true about that and what isn't. Like she said, her sister was in Kosovo. We'd like very much for the "other side" to admit the truth about that and a multitude of other things.

If any of the girls seek the truth, they have to be willing to accept what they learn - and I can only hope that they will also tell the truth. Unfortunately, we haven't seen that come to fruition yet. We haven't ever shared all the details of what happened with any of them. They deserve better than to be put in the middle.

But for anyone who ever wants to see the documents and proof that we have - we're an open book. We offer it to you - come see for yourself.

And this is what can happen to a family. The only constant is love. It is possible to disagree with someone and still have a loving relationship.

My wish for all of you reading this - is loving relationships with people who care about you.

Elephant in the room

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_in_the_room

"A greedy person provokes conflict, but whoever trusts in the Lord will prosper."

Proverbs 28:25

On the Homefront :-)

We were recently blessed with a visit from two of the girls from Kevin's previous marriage. The oldest daughter with her husband and one of the twins came to our house to visit for several days. How sweet!! Words just cannot express the joy and love that fills our home and our hearts! It had been waaaayyyy toooo lllloooonnngggg since the oldest daughter and her husband has visited and it was wonderful to have them with us again. The younger daughter (one of the twins) visited for a few days and it was the first time we had seen her in over 11 years. That gives a whole new meaning to wwwaaayyyy toooo lllloooonnnngggg. Our oldest son is now 13 and he didn't remember seeing her before because he was so little. And our youngest son had never met her. We hope someday the other twin will branch out and come visit, we're here for her - always have been. Can you imagine what your life would be if you had not been able to see your Father for 11 or more years? It's a shame and a crime that should never happen... but it happens everyday.

Here's a photo of a little trip we made to the Ghost Tour, which by the way was a little disappointing. No ghosts showed up but we had our flashlights ready! Oh well, the family was together and for that we are thankful.

Who's Cooking the Books?

Originally our governmental systems was a system of checks and balances. At least, that's what I learned in grammar school. When did we get away from that idea? All well run companies and organizations should have a system of checks and balances. It eliminates the 'cooks' and the 'crooks'.

Our child support systems apparantly has no checks and balances. After we received a whopping bill for unpaid child support in 1999 from the Commonwealth of MA, we had to prove that all the payments were made. Luckily we had receipts for all of it which we provided to them. They acknowledged in writing that there was a zero balance of past due child support in 1999, but they NEVER APPLIED IT TO THE ACCOUNT!! We'd been asking for the zero balance that was acknowledge in writing to us in 1999 for a full 10+ years.

Finally, we got some help from John Linder's office and after 10+ years we actually have a report that shows a zero balance in 1999 but still shows the same amount past due. How is that possible you ask? I'm glad you asked. Every other credit that has been on our account for the last 10 years has been moved/removed. So, kudos to the Commonwealth of MA for well cooked books!!

How do you like your books cooked? Well done??

Real Money verses Funny Money

Hey, thanks for checking in. Our friend Glenn Sacks wrote a nice example on his blog yesterday and it exemplifies where we are... in our case and in our country. We're being charged 12% interest on the fraudulently accrued arrearages. But, hey - it's a numbers game. Because the more they can claim that you owe, the more they can collect in Federal incentives.

Glenn Sacks blog Article by Robert Franklin, Esq.

The basic information here is not uncommon. I do believe that reasonable people can see the hypocrisy.

So, our case is at this point. gaboodles% interest and penalties. But, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts has laws, you know. There are available remedies to those who legitimately cannot afford to pay, right? Check this out...

Commonwealth of MA General Laws: Proposed Regulation - 830 CMR 119A.6.1

To summarize it.... the above link is a proposed law that will soon be decided upon in Massachusetts. It would allow that those who owe arrears and cannot pay be given some relief - it will waive the accumulation of interest and penalties. We have reason to be seriously doubtful that it will be approved. The questions are... 1) will it be approved? and 2) will it be enforced?

Lets find out!! Stay tuned!

Here goes........

Well since Dad's not much of a typist, I'm gonna blog a little.

But I also hope to hear from other people. I'd like this blog to be as much about your stories as about ours. I know you're out there. And when you've told people ... about the abuse of the child support system, the lawyers, the judges, the government agencies, the lies, the hurt, the detroying of your family..... they give you that half hearted smile and with their wince of disbelief, a polite "Aw, that too bad." Been there.

Over the years as more people have spoken out, some changes have been made for the better. Now more than ever, joint custody is assumed. But even with joint custody, in most all divorces somebody is paying to financially support their former spouse's household. There are cases when this might be considered appropriate. So, don't get me wrong.

What I want you to understand, first and foremost is this: the States are collecting this money called "child support" and for collecting it they receive Federal incentives. That's pretty simple, they more they collect the more incentives they get = it's a cash cow.

Now, I'm going to try really hard not to turn my first little post into a rant. That's enough for today.

There are some very important organizations out there that have been making a difference for many years. And they are growing and prospering. All because we've been talking about it. Awareness. Keep telling your story and I'll keep telling mine. Because, really... we've only just begun.

Please visit my friends....

Glenn Sacks

and

Fathers and Families


With love for our families,
Me

Please visit the website

WWW.DADSCORNER.NET